Et tu, Brute

So now they have become like Judas
Although I must say they do command I much higher price
He only got 30 pieces of silver,Instead they want my son
I can kind of understand how Jesus and Julius Caesar must have felt
To know that you have been betrayed by one of your best friends
And to rub salt in the wound your parents help them
Of course my mother always did have her Medea like qualities.
So do I go down fighting or just roll over and play dead.
I do not know nor do I understand there reasoning behind this.
However it is pretty sad when it no longer hurts maybe it is because
I have no heart or soul left just a black shell

Currently Listening: Nine Inch Nails Closer
Currently Reading : East Of Eden

Were Not In Kansas Anymore ToTo

There’s no place like home
What a crock of shit
Give me the Technicolor dream any day
Home is pills to make me happy
Pills to make me sleep
Tired of this black and white nightmare
I want to wish myself into a better life
And you into a worse one
I am walking through life
With a masquerade face


Currently listening to: Smashing Pumpkins Today
Currently Reading : Snow flower and the Secret fan

Hitting The Bottom

Life skidding out of control nobody gets it though
except maybe you but even you don't know it all
what I keep locked away is for me alone
if i let it out it will destroy this facade I have built
I think everyone knows but to say the words
will make it real and my head and heart hurt to much

I know the other one knows about this blog whether or not they choose to read it sorry even though I know it will never be enough.

Currently Listening To: My Chemical Romance- The Sharpest Lives
Currently Reading: The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test

“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go.”

When did I become so strong, when did this broken train wreck of a girl decide that shedding a tear was a bad thing. Hiding behind fake smiles when it crashed down with one look all he said was “what makes you so unhappy your smile never reaches your eyes” my only response was to say “ life”. Came home and looked and in the mirror and realized I don’t like the women I have become but I like the girl I once was even less. So what is worse being strong and unable to cry or being so vulnerable that everyone takes advantage of you?

The Curse

You are my curse that is all you will get what I mean




Currently Listening To: Smashing Pumpkins-Today
Currently Reading: Children of the Flames: Dr. Josef Mengele and the Untold Story of the Twins of Auschwitz

Life Summed Up In A Fortune Cookie

Don’t let the past and useless details choke your existence. Thought this one was pretty interesting.


Currently Listening To: Rod Stewart (hush I happen to like his song)
Currently Reading : The Handmaids Tale

Mood Swings

Ugh he is at it again how can that sweet baby boy of mine go from happy to enraged in 10 seconds flat. Now his room looks like a tornado hit it he threw everything around, ripped up a notepad, and broke the glass figures on his dresser. Well I guess I am off to clean up another one of his messes.